August 

It wont be good month. I'm dreading it actually

For so long ive been waiting for the day when i can get on that plane and Leave.

Now 5 months from my inevitable deadline, i realise...i DONT want to leave.

Why do i suddenly not want to leave??

Is it the people? am i afraid to move on in life? 

It's going to be a stressful day, an emotional day, the day i step aboard that plane and sit in my seat and struggle to feel alright when i see the city's lights get dimmer and dimmer as i climb higher and higher into the sky. 

And every moment i spend on the plane, the miles between me and my love get more and more, first a 1000 miles, then 2000 miles, then 3, 4 and 5 until i finally touch down at my "Home" country.

But i wonder how home is home? how am i gonna be able to resist the thought of leaving my friends? my family? Her?

I wont be able to see any of them until Christmas maybe, IF i'm lucky.

The question is, can i wait that long?

Can i lock up my heart away in a heavy metal case and store it in a box until i return back here?

How much would i have missed?

Would i have been missed?

But what IS the reason i'm coming back? 

I dare not say.

Cause no where in the world is too far for me to reach, no where in the world is too far to outrun my feelings.

The truth is i WONT be okay when i'm in England, i WONT be happy, I'l be missing everything too much.

I'd climb on the train every morning to head into London to get to college, the sky would be dark outside and the weather cold.

I'd listen to those special songs and try and dream myself away to my previous life.

The thing is Nothing can replace the real thing, Nothing can replace a real hug and no amount of dreaming would bring back the feeling of being loved.