SuperNova

Don't you just love that word? Supernova..possibly one of the most beautiful things to watch happen...until it kills you.

Love...just like a supernova, it will kill you, yet it is so unbelievably mesmerizing to watch..what do you do?? You stay for a little while, then you want to get a little bit closer and then even closer until, your happy with the spot your in, you think nothing in the world is better than this...Then without warning it Explodes with such force that it takes you by surprise..you never knew that something so pretty and wonderful could cause such pain, but yet it does and then only when its too late do you think..."why why why didnt i turn and run?".

Love does that you know..it blows up in your face and then laughs at you for falling for its little trick. And now i'm thinking WHY did i do this? i know that things like this don't work, and yet i still went for it, i tried hard to make things work, Love even came to the top of my life list...that doesn't happen often. I know people are going to tell me, "but hey, love is a risk that we all should take"...Hey Loading a revolver with one single bullet, spinning the barrel and putting the gun to your head and pulling the trigger three times to see if it goes off, THAT is a risk.

"When Does Love Become Dumb Affection?

Then Again

When Was Love Every Smart?"

If you will look back in my blog, or if you have possibly read it before, i wrote bout a man that didnt love, he only cared for those who were IN love. He has fast cars and even faster money..but he was happy.

And i also said how i wanted to be that man, can you guess what pushed me to actually think bout being that man? Yea love had gone and messed with my head so badly.

I mean hey i will be perfectly happy with just fast cars, big houses, supersonic boats and even faster jets and high living...I'll be happy with owning multiple casinos and businesses

that will spread all over the 7 continents.

I'll be happy with 5 star hotels, 1000pound suits and high expenses.

I'll be living the life.

People say that you do not need money to be happy...well you obviously havent had much money have you? Think of everything you could do, you could build countries and be the driving force of change...you will no longer be another person out of six billion, you will be one of the few people who own the billions.

Anyway i should rly get back to what i was talking about...but from now on...life shall work in this order Money, Business, Fast Cars....and after a further more items, we MIGHT just include love in there...somewhere.

I should say something to 'her'...i could go on for quite a while in this part but im just going to keep it short...lets just start with saying thanks...i know saying thankyou is a lil weird to say to someone you love, but rly..thankyou...thankyou for all those times, moments of happiness and laughter, all those times i got to hold you close was just...a great feeling. thankyou for teaching me how to love and how to care. You meant and mean so much to me, more than anyone else ever had and ever will and i only wish you knew that =/. The distance was probably going to be too much for you to take but if only you knew the intentions of my move...I don't know, i don't know what to think anymore, one day your calling me and saying you miss me and the next you let me easily go and leave your life, something i could never have done. I truly believed that you did love me a lot...but...what happened? =/

But Thankyou...Thankyou for everything you did, i know we had our problems at times but we got through them and...yea. Thankyou for all the memories =). I hope that life brings great things your way and i am sure it will. I hope that you do well in college and after college i hope you find a brilliant job to do and live a fantastic life. I am not going to be selfish so i hope you find love too, someone who u can hang on to no matter what, u once told that to me but i guess i wasnt that guy =/. Have a Great life =) Sigh...and your probably never going to read this...so im going to say this one last time. I love you....if only you knew how much...

But i now have to shift through all those memories, not only physically but mentally as well, i have to rewind through the tape of our love and delete each close touch and every laugh =/. Because that's the only way i can live, ive been doing it for years, if i don't remove memories that are too good to remember, it will just haunt me day after day and night after night...that is just the way things go i guess...

Now all i feel like doing is joining the army, i always feel this way when something big is taken away from me. I could join the S.A.S or something xD, hah i wish, but seriously i wouldn't mind that. Or even being in the british forces. It will be a good feeling, being at the very frontline and being the driving force of change in the world. I might not be fighting for a good cause but the fighting will be good enough. I always wanted to be a professional sniper...i even looked for civilian sniper training camps but their banned in england ><. I just like the way their so relaxed and undisturbed, they just lie in wait breathing slowly listening to their surroundings and then they simply pull the trigger...

Owh and before i forget..DID you know? that there is this girl in malaysia who has Chubby Cheeks?? xP. Yes you know who u are. Raisaaa, sigh i dont know what to say. You are a LIL =P sister that means the world to me, ur always there to talk to and just randomly video call and yea =D. you say that you dont help me enough, but u have helped me so much, more than you know specially in the last two days so u do not need to feel bad or anything like that okay? =). Dont forget that i am always here for you at whatever time on whatever day and always will be =). I love you sister! =D.

HUGSS! il be back in malaysia soon to give u a REAL hug, promise =).

Anyway thats the end of my rlyyy rly long post, i might add some stuff later on to this but i cant think ryt now =/.