I need you...

Sometimes even I question what I am doing

Sometimes I wish I could dream of you, just so I could see your face, touch your hand.

Yet I can't. I demand resistance, I demand strength...

But this makes it a constant battle

A battle against myself

It's so Self-destructive

Yet thinking of you will be suicide...

I just...miss you, you know?

It's crazy, insane, foolish even...

I don't know why, why can't the distance block you from me

Why can't my strength keep you from my mind, and my heart

Maybe it's because of how stubborn I am,

No mere distance can stop me

No mere soul can deter me, not even myself

Do you not think of me too?

The past?

hmm but then I fear the answer of that question

I am scared of your soft eyes

You scare me

You scare me because of your ability of what you can unlock within me

The emotion contained inside an iron cell

I can stand here, rigid, disciplined

But when you look into my eyes

My eyes glance quickly at yours

The guns stop firing

The gates and walls fall

I start to fall

I remember the days

Some of the best days of my life

When you were next to me

When I could see you, hold you

Owh if only you knew how deadly you were to me

But also how you changed me

You unlocked the ability to love within me

The vision of a kind soul sung in me

But now, It has seemed to have died again..

What is the point of singing a song if no one hears?

I wish

I could stand in front of you and say i miss you and I need you

And I love you
The urge is almost overpowering, suffocating

But I probably won't

You are probably over me anyway and that probability is what stops me

I don't want to bring it tumbling down on you

It isn't fair is it?

Besides there are thousands of guys out there who are probably far better looking then myself

Clever and just better for you

So what do I do?

I can talk to you, be friends with you, but that brings up the past within me and I remember

Which I can't

Sigh I really don't know what I should do

So I will just stand, head up, armour stronger than ever

I will block that happy feeling when you look in my direction and smile at me

I'll simply smile back in all honestly and kindess that I wish I could really express
While inside the emotion of happiness is brutally struck down by the defence I've built up

Honestly you have no idea what I would rather do then have to keep beating down my emotions

I'd rather fight a losing battle

The end can come and I will have more will to fight then ever because nothing in this world can bring down my morale more then having to walk away from you..