I MISS YOU!

okay now that's out, because i know that if i had started writing a longgggg thing on another post it would never end up here.

But yea...i miss you =)

well at least i think i do =/.

I can never be sure these days

I haven't felt the touch of someone's lips in almost a year now.

I have forgotten what it is like to get a real crushing hug from someone special or feel their tender touch.

I almost feel like recoiling in shock now when a girl touches me on the shoulder and I am not prepared.

But all this is my own doing really, I wanted to leave the one country i knew.

I started to concentrate on mostly business and education.

And that is what I will be focusing on for the first 6 months of the New Year.

I have two money opportunities coming up, both that are going to need alot of work on my part.

The 6 months coming will be girl free i think, i can't say for sure because anything can happen, but that is the aim.

I separated Malaysia and England into two different objectives. England to earn money and generally improve my financial situation. And Malaysia for love and having fun. It is a bit of strange choice i know and i never knew i would be saying that. But to me being in England is just a 6 month business trip.

There that's a more simple way of putting it now isn't it =P.

But yea, i must say i have somewhat swerved away from Love. Yea it can be a great feeling to have and to hold close, I have had my share of experiences, some were more likely to be the real thing and others less so.

But you can never tell these days, times have changed.

Someone can tell you they Love you and will never leave you and then when it inconveniences them they will disappear in a second.

I've had that happen, and trust me it is not a good feeling.

But I hope she is happy you know =)

Sure i can be jealous and no doubt there will be that feeling one day. But i am not a selfish man, i can be, but i know what is right and what is wrong.

Things were hard between us at times, more often than not, but we pulled through.

She was perfect, kind, beautiful, everything.

But I don't really know where that's all gone.

But there, never be one to judge.

So that is over and now only remains as a memory and nothing more.

I hope you change back to what you were and hope you are happy =).

But there is this other girl, fun memories with her.

I know she sometimes mocked me for things we have done and things i told her that i have not told another soul in my life and that i must admit that was cruel but hey that's okay.

I guess i can be too patient and too nice sometimes huh =P.

But yea she is the one person i am looking forward to most to see when i go back to Malaysia after the long 6 months.

I try not to think about it because it kills me, a WHOLE year away from my life long friends and that important someone and family.

I've lost alot when i moved here, losing someone who i thought was so special was just a start.

But there i am a tough spirited guy with a iron hard core and it will take alot more than a few miles to break my stride, I know i may not look tough from the outside specially with my size and the way i look and i curse myself for that, but i am a completely different person inside. I sometimes say i am the right soul in the wrong body but it is the soul that counts.

But i don't think she feels the same way about me. I mean who would want a guy who is never there, sure I can provide and give my heart, but a beating heart with no one to express it's love is worthless and no girl wants that.

That is something i have been pondering over for a long time, whether I should get married or not.

Yes i want a special someone to spend my life with and children who i can teach and learn from and who will carry on the family name.

A family that i can come home to and kiss goodnight and take on holiday and provide for.

But then again i want to change the world and the only way i can see that really working to its full potential is that i concentrate my life to working and business and building an 'empire' so- called.

I want to make the world a better place which will no doubt be hard, i want to progress the human-race in technology and prove to the world that we only have to believe that we can achieve something and all that is required is to work hard and work together.

And this all means i might not be able to be at home with my wife and kids most of the year and that is not fair on them.

So i must decide and i have yet to come to a decision.

I guess it all lies on me if i were to actually meet the 'one' now doesn't it =).

But yea...

Life is life now isn't it =)

I miss your hugs, your playful ways, but most of all you =)