Losing...

I've never liked losing

ever...

I can't say that it is healthy

But I don't like it when i see myself suffering so much to only see other people get it for nothing instantly...

It annoys me,

Sometimes i think, why don't i put my efforts to destruction,

I think i would make a good weapon..

-Marching thus at night, a battalion is doubly impressive. The silent monster is full of restrained power; resolute in its onward sweep, impervious to danger, it looks a menacing engine of destruction, steady to its goal, and certain of its mission.-

I don't know...

Sometimes I think,

maybe I'm not made for this planet, for this...

this race...

Maybe I was always destined for war

To become an engine of destruction...

Not in the bad way like I would destroy everything good...(though sometimes I feel like I could)

I would be a protector...

Though I wouldn't fight for a country, because their all just full of politicians who know nothing about real war...

I'd fight for someone

and for that Black Flag...

Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and I think why is my body so small,

so insignificant,

I've always said that my body devalues the magnitude of the mind that it holds...

And I think it's true...

I always see people underestimating my will through the sight of me

All I can do is wish that I had the opportunity to show them otherwise

Show them that there is nothing I wouldn't do

-They will look up and shout "save us", and i'll whisper "no"...-

Maybe I could dedicate my body to Military research?

hmm it would be interesting

What if it worked?

What if I was the first of a kind

The first truly

I always believe that it could work

And it's something I want to get involved in in the future...

It would be a glorious day when it finally becomes a reality...

Hah maybe i am just fed up with this bloody existence and this damned education...

I want to be doing something real, I got so many things lined up business related and it frustrates me because the education system is holding me back...

Owh and I still miss her...

Honestly I sit here and i think,

"you can't be serious right?"

I mean look at you,

you useless thing falling for her again and again even when you can't see her

That's another thing, i'm very harsh with myself haha...

I say

" You fool! how can you still love her? she probably doesn't even love you, Even if she did there are so many other guys out there who she probably likes and she would much rather be with them if she could, and she's told you about them too, you would just be a temporary addiction."

But yea, I try not to talk about it with people because if I do i feel like i've lost

Even anything that is bothering me, I try not to find comfort in others because it shows that my mind is weak and losing...

again, I don't like losing...

haha you see?

it's a deadly circle...

-Never Surrender...Even in the Face of Armageddon, You Hold Your Ground...Never Surrender-